Marriage

In honor of the upcoming Valentine’s Day: My significant other (aka wife, to those of us who aren’t controlled by religion or governments ☻) had a dream the other night wherein I surprised her with the news that I’d married someone else, with whom I’d been having an affair. Now, I usually have dreams that break physical laws (flying, multidimensional houses whose ∞ bathrooms are all occupied, etc.). But this dream violates some “laws”, too, albeit sociological or psychological laws.

I had to explain, again, that I’m a non-religious feminist. Of course, I try to keep my feminism quiet for the most part. Like “libertarian”, the term has been co-opted by something akin to “bros” or “hipsters” who want to use it to game the system or simply assume a shallow meaning for the term. (As an aside, I stopped identifying as a libertarian almost precisely when one particular hard-right old man explained that he was a libertarian. I wanted to pull out some heroin and offer it to him … but that would have been considered antisocial. It helped that I didn’t have any heroin handy. On the plus side, this guy reminded me of Otto.) Anyway, I’m a feminist in the sense that I don’t believe women are playing optimal roles in our society. We have tremendous and sophisticated mechanisms for finding and fostering the talents of men. By contrast, for the most part, our society (here in the US… I can’t speak for other places) doesn’t provide many mechanisms for finding and fostering the talents of women. The ones we herald are too often ham-handed coercions of the mechanisms we use for men. To boot, many of our mechanisms, including marriage, are primarily structured to oppress and control women.

So, for my wife, to whom I am not married, to have a dream of me marrying some arbitrary mistress, is just as fantastical as ∞-dimensional houses with fully occupied bathrooms. Now, I’m not claiming I wouldn’t take a secret mistress … or abandon my wife for her. I sincerely doubt that would happen. But I’m only human and the future is difficult to predict. But I can predict with near certainty that I would not marry the home wrecker. ☻

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